Several years ago the group leader in my Weight Watchers meeting told us to start thinking about how we would respond to the comments we would undoubtedly start getting from others as it related to our weight loss. She explained that not all of the feedback would be positive, and that we needed to be prepared for handling both the positive and negative reactions from others.
I remembered her words this weekend when I encountered two negative experiences. Both were very subtle, but I still found myself starting to own them but I quickly got myself together and removed them from my psyche.
The first experience was just a look, and my initial interpretation of the look. I’ve been pretty public about what I am doing both here on my blog and on facebook. Well, I ran into one of my “friends” on the book and we greeted each other with a hug. When we pulled away from each other she gave me the twice over but never said a word. She looked me up and down as if to say, “I don’t see any difference”. Now here’s the thing. I’ve been straight up about this too. As hard as I am working out and busting my butt to shed the pounds, the weight is coming off at a snails pace. So while I am being very vocal about what I am doing to lose the weight, the truth of the matter is I am not a size 10 yet and therefore I am still a big girl. So when this young lady burned a vertical hole in me with “the look”, something inside me sank. Now I know a look is subjective, but it still left me feeling defeated.
The second experience occurred a few days after that. Now let me preface this by saying that I learned a long time ago not to share good news with negative people. So because I knew better than to share anything about what I was doing with this particular person, I’ll take the hit…shame on me. Aywho, I was sharing with this friend how I had been exercising and taking Zumba classes . She turned, looked at me and asked “have you lost any weight?” Hmmmm?!?!?!? My immediate reaction was WOW!?!?! Really?!?!?!? Did you really just ask me that? Do you mean to tell me that you don’t see ANY difference? Of course I thought these things to myself as I quickly changed the subject and tried my best not to take ownership of her ignorance. But I have to tell you, that one floored me, because while I may not be a size two, I think a 40lb weight loss is pretty noticeable, but maybe it’s me.
What I realized is the for some people, no matter what you do, until you are at goal, they’ll always still see “fat”. I also know that once I reach goal, there will be some people who will tell me not to lose anymore weight, or behind my back say, she looked better when she had more weight on her. The point is, going back to what the Weight Watchers leader said. You really have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for both the positive and negative feedback. As people are making positive comments about the changes they see, I have to be careful not to let those comments go to my head. So it’s really a delicate balancing, one that I am learning to manage.
The good news is that I didn’t take ownership of either experience. I didn’t allow these negative experiences to cancel out all of the positive feedback I have been receiving nor did I let them derail me. I was able to press the cancel/delete button and move on. Lord knows this whole process is an emotional roller coaster, but I thank God for growth!
Traci says
Good for you Stacey! Just remember, sometimes when people haven’t seen you for a while, it doesn’t dawn on them right away that you’ve lost weight. They know there’s been a change but the negative comes out first (hence, their problem). I use to get the same negative comments when I lost weight. I’ll never forget when someone told me “they liked me better with a butt”. Really??? People can be so crazy and spiteful when they see u doing something positive. Girl, you know to keep it moving until you receive the next positive comment..lol, heyyyyyy!
Stacey Strickler says
Thank Traci! You are so right people can be crazy, spiteful but like you said I’m gonna keep it movin and not get bogged down in other people’s stuff. Thank you girl!